A Thousand Paper Cuts
by mlee03
Summary: The story begins five years after Edward left in New Moon. Bella has a new life, but is her new life all that great? What happens when Bella leaves her new life and runs right into the arms of those from her old life? Can past wrongs be forgiven?


Authors Note: All characters from the Twilight series are Stephanie Meyer's creation. This is my first attempt at a FF story and I'm not really thrilled with it, but I really just wanted to get it out there! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1 – Lies and Rumors

Bella's POV – 5 years after Edward left in New Moon

I had been standing in the same spot for longer than was really reasonable. I had been attempting to scrub off some jelly that had spilled and dried on the counter, but I really just didn't care enough to try all that hard. A truck backfiring outside brought me out of my reverie and I blushed thinking about how long I must have been standing there thinking. I quickly moved out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch with my laptop, opening up the latest manuscript I had been sent to edit. All things considering, I had a pretty cushy job. After working to put myself through the nearby college to get a joint bachelor's and master's degrees in English, I started working for a publishing company remotely. I know Jacob didn't understand why I hadn't let him help pay for college, and I knew that he really didn't understand why I insisted on working. I think it partially hurt his pride, having me feel like I needed to work to help support the family. It wasn't that Jacob didn't bring in enough money; we certainly weren't rolling in wealth, but we lived comfortably enough on the reservation. Yes, I could have done a lot of other things with my life, but things were comfortable here. There is nothing wrong with comfortable. Comfortable is safe, reassuring, and perfect. Scratch that… who was I kidding? Nothing was safe. Comfortable was just a screen distorting your view of reality, of the cold shithole world we live in.

When I opened up my e-mail, I had a new message from my boss at the publishing firm with a link to a new story that needed to be edited as soon as possible, which seemed to be the common time request these days. I open up the document and my heart stopped when I saw the title, "Vampires from the Past." I could feel my pulse increase and my hands started to get all sweaty. I slammed the laptop shut and buried my head in my hands. This was ridiculous. What was wrong with me? I didn't really think my reaction was about *him*, but it might as well have been. I could no longer conjure up any happy memories of vampires; they were all monsters in my mind, or at least that is what I told myself so I could hold things together from day to day.

I looked up at the clock and saw that it was past 8:00 pm. Jacob was usually home by now. Or at least, in the past he would be home by now. For several months now, he was away from me for longer and longer periods of time. At first I had enough distractions at home that I could just ignore it, not really think about where he could be… but now, with the silence in the house, there was nothing else for me to focus on. I picked up the phone and started to dial his number, but hung up before the call could go through. I didn't have it in me to reach out, to try… why should I? Why wasn't he reaching out to _me_? We both needed each other, and given the past couple of months, shouldn't we be closer than ever? I had a hard time even remembering the early days, the days when we couldn't bear to be apart from each other for longer than a couple of hours. Now we were capable of spending days without even speaking.

I heard a door close outside and jumped up to see out the window that Emily was just getting home from work. I hurried out on to the porch, desperate to have a conversation with someone, with anyone.

"Emily! Hi… how's it going?" I asked in a hurried tone. She looked up and hesitantly walked towards me.

"Bella…" she said in a sad voice. "I should be the one asking you how you are. I'm sorry I haven't had the chance to come over lately. Things have been busy." She gave me a weak smile before looking back down towards the ground, unable to actually make eye contact with me. I could tell she was hiding something, I just couldn't imagine what on earth she would have to keep secret from me.

"Oh it's fine. I'm fine. No need to worry about me," I said in a fake chipper voice. "It seems like everyone is really busy these days… Jacob still isn't home."

"Uh, yeah… I didn't see his car," she said, still not making eye contact with me. "Bella, you really should talk to Jacob, you know, see… no, never mind. Anyways, I have to get going. I'll chat with you later." She turned to walk quickly to her house.

"Emily! What are you talking about?" But it was to no avail. She clearly didn't want to talk to me. No one on this damn reservation seemed to want to talk to me since the incident. I was hurt and confused. They remained close to Jacob and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I would be the one to be blamed for what happened. The pain was still just too real and I turned to go inside, crawl into bed, and let the tears take over as my body ached with the shattering sobs.

I felt the light from the hallway hit my face some time later and I rolled over to see Jacob trying to sneak into the room. "Bella, sorry," his deep gruff voice called out in the semi-darkness. "Go back to sleep. I was trying not to wake you."

I turned and flipped the bedside table light on and sat up in bed.

"No, I don't want to go back to sleep," I said, reaching my arms out to him in an attempt to have him climb into bed with me. "We should talk. It's been days since we've actually had a conversation. I miss you…"

"Oh come on, that isn't true, Bella. Geez… it's not like we are _married_ or anything," his voice full of angry disappointment. "I can come and go as I please."

"I never said otherwise! Please, Jacob, why are you acting like this? Why are you so angry with me? We should be there for each other during a time like this," I cried out as angry tears spilled down my already tear soaked face. I watched as his tough exterior started to crumble and my anchor, my sunshine, started to shine through. He kicked off his shoes and climbed into my arms as I nestled my head into his chest. "I love you," I whispered into his shirt as I closed my eyes when I felt his hands rub my back in a circular motion. It only briefly hurt when I realized he wasn't telling me he loved me as well.

The next morning, I awoke alone. Again. I don't know if it was the morning light that woke me, or the lack of heat I had grown so accustomed to sleeping with. I got out of bed and wandered through an empty house, stopping to stare at the room that used to give me so much joy and happiness, but now was just a constant reminder of the biggest loss that I would likely ever suffer. I finally mustered up enough motivation to get showered and dressed before logging onto the computer in an attempt to actually get some editing done. I was going to do a quick check of e-mail before starting, but when I saw an e-mail from Leah canceling our weekly lunch date, I knew I wasn't going to be getting any work done today.

I slammed the computer shut and started pacing up and down the hallway. What the hell was going on? Why couldn't I believe that Leah wasn't feeling well? Why would she lie to me? We were supposed to be best friends, though I knew from past experience best friends sometimes turned out not to actually keep their word. But what about Emily? Why would Emily lie to me? Why would Jacob? I couldn't think of a reason, but I knew that I wasn't going to stay here any longer and wonder, I was going to find out. I slipped on my shoes, grabbed my keys, hopped into my truck, and took off down the road. In my heart I had a feeling that I would find Jacob on the rocks on the beach, one of our favorite places to go and talk. The first place we ever made love.

I parked the car and hurried down the hill and into the sand where I walked for about 5 minutes until I saw our special place come into view. There stood my Jacob. My Jacob in another woman's arms. I stopped and stared and felt the familiar panic start to overtake me. It wasn't until Jacob turned and saw me that I could pull myself together enough to turn and try and run. Moments later, I felt his tough hands grab my arms and spin me around to face him.

"Bella," he said breathlessly. "I am so sorry. I am so so so so sorry. Please, you have to believe me that I never meant for this to happen." His words came out in a rush as tears started to fall down his own face. "Bella, I…"

"STOP! Jacob!" I yelled as I tried to pull out from under his unbreakable grip. "I can't… I can't even form words. I don't understand."

"I've imprinted, Bella, I've imprinted!" he cried, still holding me tightly. "I know I can't ever make it up to you, but I can't not be with her… I was with her that night," he said, his face filled with grief and sorrow. "I am so sorry,"

When I heard this confession, I stopped struggling and after a few minutes he let go of me. "Bella?" he said cautiously.

"Don't," I said in the harshest voice I ever heard come out of my mouth. "Now that I know, I will never forgive you for that night. Don't ever touch me, talk to me, or even bother to think about me, again." I turned and walked quickly away, but not before I got one last glance at Jacob. He looked like he had been slapped in the face and it actually brought me some pleasure. I hurried away and never looked back.

Back in my truck, I drove back to our place and even though there was no way the entire reservation could know what had just transpired between us, I could feel their stares as I drove by. I hoped that they would all burn in hell for keeping the truth from me. Especially Leah. My supposed best friend. This world was filled with nothing but lies and deceit. I pulled into our driveway and rushed into the house only long enough to grab a couple bags of clothes, some pictures, other important mementos, and my laptop. I left the door open as I got back into the truck and pulled out of the driveway, vowing to not turn back or ever return. I knew where I would go, but first, I had one stop I had to make.

I pulled into the cemetery at the edge of Forks, got out of my truck, walked to the grave I knew so well, sat down, and cried.


End file.
